The spirit of water... and other stuff too

I am trying to become more like water. Water: free flowing, mutable, constant. There is so much to be learned from water. When I am feeling anxious, possessed by yearnings I can't even define, unsettled, I try to make my thoughts more like water. 

When I think back on your past, I tend to think in events… ok, if in outfits. :-) I am a little fashion obsessed. Sometimes I can think in visions, of people's faces or of the sights that I've seen. But one thing I've been trying to do is to meditate on the actual thoughts I've had in the past. For instance, I can remember sitting on the hillside of a beautiful campground last year, and an old yogi taught me about samskaras, which, by his teaching, meant (loosely translated) that we are drawn to people because of holes in our own emotional beings. If we could be complete in ourselves, if we had somehow made it through without any holes or tears in our psyches, we wouldn't need another person to be complete. It seems pretty unattainable to me, but an interesting concept nonetheless, and one that was deserving of heavy pondering. Anyway, today I meditated today on that thought, which led me to realize that, when I let my thoughts be like water, deep and free flowing, I tend to gravitate toward the same subjects. It is scary to think that almost a year has gone past, and I don’t know if I've thought so clearly about anything since that topic. Almost as if my spiritual life has been dead, my brain full of meaningless practicalities and routines.

I tend to be an intensely season driven person, which I give myself a really hard time for. I mean, sometimes I really think if you met me in the winter and then in summer you may not know it's the same person. But, again, thinking about water - would you know that it's the same when it's ice? Would you know the earth to be the same covered in snow or blazing sun? If the earth can vary so greatly, then so can I, I'm going to try and give myself a little slack.

Spring brings out my spiritual ponderings - Fears? Ego? Vanity? Coincidences? Meaning? Truth?

I am going to try to use the water idea more, to lead me to deeper spiritual awareness on a more consistent basis. It even worked last night while I was washing the dishes (a task that I hate). I concentrated on thinking about the water, how it cleans and purifies, just started describing it, and before I knew it, I was done.

I truly believe that my spiritual being is hungry. And I am glad that the correct impulses are back to get to feeding it!