A manifesto on equanimity

So I'm reading "Yoga and the Quest for the True Self." It's a great book, although it's a slow read because it's packed with such intense information. I came today to a section called "Calm Abiding," and in it is says:
"...the Bhagavad Gita defines yoga as 'equanimity,' using the Sanskrit word samatva, which literally means 'sameness' or 'evenness.' This quality of evenness is essential to the practice because it creates an instument of knowing that is nonreactive. Yogic teaching says that we have to learn gradually to tolerate sensations and feelings in the physical body, and thoughts in the mind, without reacting to them by either holding or pushing away. "

This passage interested me intensely. First of all, I realized I didn't know the meaning of "equanimity!" I mean I get the idea here, but I had never really contemplated it a a word, though I have thought about the concept. Dictionary.com tells me that equanimity is "The quality of being calm and even-tempered; composure." Ok. I get that, although I fancy that I like to think of the evenness not only as being composed, but also evenness in terms of the people around us. Am I adding meaning? Oh well, if I am I am, I am going to think of it that way for right now. I can kind of infer it from the passage, and from my practice which reminds me that we are all the same, even, more than we are different. I find this concept really intriguing. I mean, our society right now places so much emphasis on individuality. What is your favorite color? What kind of music do you like? Are you a morning person or a night person? I know I take a lot of pride in the ways that I'm different, my free spirit and willingness to take chances and try new things being chief among them. But what about the ways that we're all the same? In the end, aren't we all just doing the best we can with the circumstances we're given, breathing in and out, living in our bodies and minds and hopefully discovering ourselves, relating and being able to love each other? I think this is a buddhist concept, although I need to bone up a little on my buddhist teachings. But right now, at this point in my life, I feel less of a NEED to prove the ways that I'm different. I know that I am. I am going to concentrate on the ways that I'm human, and how I can relate better to others.

Whew. Long side track. I have one more specific issue with the earlier reading from my book. And that is... I'm not really so sure I always agree with this idea of being so calm all the time!!! Again, I think this is another buddhist concept. You meditate, you reach stillness, and then you try and incorporate that into every aspect of your life. Then you're smooth like silk, all of your dealings can be neutral and positive, you don't let people rattle you, and then I guess the idea is that you can see more clearly, understand the universe more correctly, etc. My Dad (who is Buddhist by the way) tried to get me to be more like that, unsuccessfully most of the time. (I was a very dramatic teenager). My husband is also very much like this. Both by nature and from studying. He is able to be so damn calm about stuff. Like right now, he finds out Tuesday if he is going to be placed as an umpire or if he is just going to come home and work a normal job here, it's a very big day! And I am much more emotional about it than him! I mean, I try and be calm sometimes, and it sometimes works, but it definitely doesn't come naturally.

But I'm not sure it should! Ok... long story here that I won't try and get totally into, but I after I first moved to LA I had a brief stint in Scientology. I took a class there and debated it's merits, which were good by the way. The concepts made sense, etc. But what drew me away from it was the fact that it seemed to turn its believers into emotionless robots! I wonder if I would feel the same way about Buddhist monks if I met them? I do see the benefit of meditation, but if we were made human and given these emotions, I have a hard time believing we should completely supress them. Maybe I'm too attached. But the boldest memories that have shaped my life involve emotions that capture my heart. My Mom relating the death of her brother and my aunt, and the way it encompassed her self with sorrow. My sister's pain, almost from birth, about how the world works and she fits in it. I have also been able to find real encompassing joy, ecstatic joy, in dancing and frienships and humor and sex, etc. I want to hold onto these emotions. None of these highs and lows would I ever want to erase in my life for the trade off of complete equanimity.

Whew. I never knew I would have so much to say about a word that I just learned today. Feel free to share your thoughts on this word too!!!