Wowsa! My being has been in a pretty crazy place lately!
I am attempting to calm and get into some rational/inspired thinking. I'm getting there.
Here are my (lame) excuses for losing my shit:
1. Rich came back after 2 months and there's adjustment
2. I joined, then quit, a fire dancing group
3. I am leaving on Monday for Burning Man with 3 virgins, 2 of whom are my aunt and uncle,
which leads to
4. My house looks like a tornado
5. I know too much about Burning Man to not stress about Burning Man!!!!!!
All that being said, I went to yoga last night, I breathed, and I did the best headstand into bakasana into headstand that I've ever done (actually I've never even done it before).
Which leads me to believe that if I could just more effectively channel this crazy energy, that might just be the ticket.
So tonight I am organizing, cleaning, thinking, stretching, and trying not to stress.
By the way, thanks to my friend Charlotte, my costumes this year are my best by FAR, thanks to MP we are more organized than I've been for the burn, and I am truly very excited! Plus, I will be spinning fire for the first time, at the fire spinning mecca of the universe! All is good.
The girl fire group thing has really thrown me, truth be told. I know deep down that I felt, number one, that I was really good at it and that I should be performing/making money with it, and number two, that these ladies were smart and experienced and would lead me in a good direction. There were a number of things that threw me. One was the photo shoot, where using tools I wasn't used to, I burned myself and started contemplating the severity of it. Two (I just realized how many things in this post I've been numbering. I must really need to be putting things in ORDER!!! Anyway...), the latin/kinda gothy vibe is not totally me and I felt a little false. Weird for an actress? Three, it was just taking TOO MUCH TIME! I mean, I have really liked one night a week of learning fire, and a couple more practicing or playing with my toys in group settings. But putting all this energy into our website, and routine, and music, and costumes and bookings and all of it was really overwhelming and not in a good way. So finally, in the middle of Burning Man prep, I just lost it and called the girl and told her everything that was on my mind and quit. And she was lovely, but in the end I know that I screwed them and I hate letting people down.
But if I'm not sane, what is any of it worth??????????????????
So, I am working on my sanity above all. Second (can't stop numbering now!), enjoying life and my husband and being able to be quiet.
Breathe girl!!!
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