Revolution!

So what’s been going on??? I’ve been asking myself that a lot. Rich is gone again… and the last time he was gone I was really on a writing binge. For some reason I haven’t started it up yet… but I sure have been thinking about it...

I have decided it’s a summer of revolution.

Let me give you some context.

About a month ago, I got my certification from AFAA (Aerobics and Fitness Association of America). The certification was out in Palmdale (about an hour north of LA, very hot) on a Saturday. I had studied a lot, but I was dreading it too. Usually these classes are boring and long, plus I didn’t know how the other people would be. It turned out a lot better than I had hoped! There were only 3 of us, and one girl brought a bunch of hula hoops so we hooped it up. In a purely selfish and egotistical way, I was happy that I was the youngest and fittest, and a lot of my fears about the day were relieved. It passed pretty quickly.

Afterwards, I started driving home in the 114 degree heat. It was uphill, and my car was losing steam, so I had to turn off the AC. My car only has the radio, so I was fishing around for a channel… and the only channel available in this godforsaken town (no pun intended) was a Christian station on which there was a talk show about the peril surrounding sex outside of a marriage. I decided I was in my own personal Hades.

I chose to listen. I certainly don’t subject myself to this drivel very often, so I thought it might be interesting to hear what is going on in that world. I was so very wrong. While it was 114 on the outside of my body, soon my blood was boiling so hot that I think I surpassed it internally. This cheery woman and man combo team were giving out the lowdown on “bad” sex, which they defined as any sex that exists outside of a man and wife. At one point they compared it to electricity – that sex is an energy, but when you have it outside of the marriage, it’s like lightning and can hurt you, but if it’s between a man and wife, it becomes useful electricity. Of course!

I listened to this woman tell every poor schmuck who is listening that God had told her this personally. I wondered how that conversation went? Did God whisper it to her? Or scream it to her while she timidly fucked her poor handbag of a spouse? And why isn’t God speaking to me… if this Cheerio gets the direct line to God, what exactly are the requirements?

Back to reality. God’s been talking to this bitch about as often as my 400 pound associate is hitting the gym. She is going purely on old news… specifically, a single book that was written about 3400 years ago by a bunch of dudes with good intentions for the time. And knowing this, well, I am so darn confused!!! They are tall tales! They’re really good stories, stories that helped the people of the time live, and relate to and respect each other, but that’s what they are! And Jesus was probably a cool dude too, but I have a hard time believing that he even ever implied that he was the son of God, he was just a really good man and the hen pickers around him needed some drama so they spiced up his life. Why is this book still around so much? Why can’t we just worship David Sedaris or Chelsea Handler for their obvious direct line?

And I know, I FEEL blasphemous writing this… the only excuse is that this is my summer of REVOLUTION! Revolution of mind, thoughts, actions, being, and the list goes on. And I’m doing this at age 30, when I’m happily married and wrapped up in the big security blanket of my life. Wanna know why? Because I’ve been too pussy my whole existence to think for myself! And I know that’s the land in which this stupid woman is trapped. So I feel bad for her. BUT, at least as long as I was trapped by other’s thoughts and opinions, I wasn’t judging them publicly and ridiculing their decisions. Until now, of course. And therein lies my real problem with this human. I mean, she has figured out that this whole God obsession helps her get through her days. And I think she should have a good long talk with herself about it, but that’s really up to her. My question is, how can she possibly not stop to think that everyone might not be exactly the same as her?

I digress. This whole God/sex/marriage diatribe is turning me around 180 degrees, then back, then 360 (ok, between the degrees of the heat and the spinning in my head, I might just be hallucinating at this point). But here I am, pretending to force myself into wondering if my sexual adventures PRE husband are what is horribly poisoning my mind and something I should be ashamed of. Quite the contrary! I was one hot tamale and proud of it! And my mind, instead of going where lady seems to want it to go, is being taken so far in the opposite direction… farther that it’s ever gone before. I mean… like I said, I am a happily and newly married woman! Why did I get married? Because my husband rules, and because I want a family badly and this is “the way it’s done.” And I don’t regret that, if simply for the fact that he would be thrilled for me thinking and/or writing these thoughts.

But here I am, wondering why marriage even exists? Never mind only ever having sex with your husband, which I think is ludicrous, but why are we even getting married? I suppose it’s so that the woman doesn’t have to take care of a child all on her own. Which I understand. I don’t condone hordes of men running around having lots of sex and not dealing with the consequences. But, in an ideal world, where does the nuclear family stand? It doesn’t seem to be working out so well, what with divorce rates, etc. And why is no one thinking about different solutions? What about communities raising children? I guess the hippies are thinking about it when they created communes, and the crazy ass mind fucking Manson types are dealing with it. And they don’t all seem to be doing too well either… but what are our options?

I guess I’m talking about free thought here, and that is what this little REVOLUTION is about for me. I’m not sure that nuclear families are right or wrong, but I am perplexed why no one (or at least no one around me) is talking about it or questioning it. And religion… well I am pretty sure that it’s not working out too well either, judging by the LIFETIME OF WARS AROUND THE WORLD BEING CAUSED BY IT, and it’s strange to me that people don’t question their religion either, just as they don’t wonder if maybe there is a possible way to have some morality and kindness in society without the overbearing force of a really old book.

Why did “God” give us brains that reason and question if he didn’t want us to use them?

As I’m writing all this down, I am realizing that nothing I’m saying here hasn’t been said before. Just like nothing that’s ever been said or thought hasn’t been said or thought before. But if I can keep going, keep questioning, maybe I’ll get somewhere with it. At least shift some levels of consciousness.

I was reading the Kite Runner recently. Amazing read. And I was finishing it up in a bar at the Chicago airport. A gentleman was getting a drink next to me and we made some small talk about the book. Then he told me he was a soldier and he was just returning from Afghanistan. We (or should I say he) talked for about an hour. I was intently listening. It was so enlightening and interesting. I don’t have time or the memory to relate the whole conversation, but one thing really stuck out to me. I asked why there wasn’t more of a movement for peace in that part of the world. In my hippie head, peace everywhere can’t be too far off, right? I mean, America is still very freakin delusional, but I still have conversation with Americans on a daily basis about the need for peace.

He replied that that would never happen. Which I don’t know if I can truly believe in my heart of hearts, but I put some stock into. He said that the people there don’t know anything other than war, war over religion and everything else, and that peace is not even really a concept there. He said that America is really the most advanced country in terms of our thinking. Can you believe that?

Well, if America is advanced in it’s thinking… this summer I’m going taking it to the moon. I am going to try to question everything, everything I’ve ever believed. Why do I believe it? Is it because someone else told me to or because I know it intrinsically in my heart? And if it’s the former… well, I can only hope my personal revolution will change me for the better. I am tired of thinking about what other people will think or do think, I am thinking for myself.