Chaos - Peace

So my life has felt a bit chaotic lately, although I'm working on being present in every moment and not to take into account too much how much is going on. I always feel good when I'm busy, so life has felt great, but I worry sometimes that I'm not seeing the bigger picture and/or fully investing myself into all of my goals (there's just too many!)

Sculpt class has been going well, and that feels like a real step. Although my student count is still laughable, my confidence has gone up a LOT! Last week, instead of powering through the class with the crazed energy of the Joker, I slowed down, led a real warm up that included some yoga/meditation, still had a great, full workout, and ended not having finished all that I wanted to do (sometimes I go so fast that there are 10 mins left in class that I don't know what to do with). I don't know that I've fully grasped my power yet, but I am getting there. I realize that almost all of it is confidence. I look too much for validation from the students, do they like this exercise? Is it too much or too little? When the best thing to do is to be completely confident about it, still gauge them but not need their feedback unless they WANT to give it to me. I'm getting there.

I've been thinking about politics lately. It's crazy to me that we've become so complacent as a society. People used to get so fired up about things, about life! And now, with this election, that's where we should be... but I don't feel it from society. It's interesting how I feel so strongly about some issues and yet so anti-confrontation. It's something I want to examine more. In a way, it seems obvious - I like peace, so why would I like fighting to get peace? And yet, the only change that has ever come about in this world comes from conflict. Its intrinsic. And so, I can be FOR peace, but unless I'm willing to DO something about it, I am essentially as complacent as anyone else. Sitting at home wishing for peace doesn't do much. Which I guess ties in to the need to lead/teach, even if it is only exercise. It's not necessarily that I want people to move their bodies more (which I do)... but it's also that I think if they're happy and positive and peaceful and fulfilled for an hour a day in my presence, then the rest of their lives will mirror that. It's about influence. If I can feel that from a teacher, and if I know I can be a vessel for that kind of change, then I need to start harnessing that positive energy. It's coming. I am being gentle with myself, but firm in my desires.

Going to a Fire Drums event this weekend... more on that to come! I'm very excited to be around positive, expressive people!